Jumping to Conclusions
by insert-clever-sn-here
Summary: Sasuke and Naruto in the wilderness...what in the world are they doing?


The mournful song of the cicada sounded throughout the forest. The rush of the river rumbled in the distance. The warm, muggy breeze carried scents of wildflowers and grass. Overhead, the moon cast a silver, ethereal glow over the lakes and trees. The stars glittered in the heavens. It was a peaceful night…but who gives a flying rat's ass? The sounds of heavy panting and groans of frustration were much more interesting.

Naruto was stripped of his clothes, save his boxers. He was on his knees, legs spread apart. He growled in frustration as he grabbed the oblong object in between his legs. He writhed his upper body, fearing the large problem underneath him would burst.

He stuffed the large item into the plastic casing, or, at least, he tried to. The hollow tube was too damn small.

_Let's try this again._

For the umpteenth time, the bulge was placed in a death grip by Naruto's left hand. His right hand snaked the plastic sheath over the round tip easily enough. He became increasingly confident of his success as more and more of the object under him was squeezed into the sleeve, but all good things must come to an end; the synthetic material did not budge another centimeter.

_I need another pair of hands…Should I make a shadow replication?_

Naruto looked at both of his preoccupied hands.

I cannot let go to do hand seals.

He dismissed the replication idea. What was left? His blue eyes fell upon the only other being with a pair of opposable thumbs.

_Where's a monkey when you need it?_

"Sasuke," the blonde moaned. The boy lying in front of him smirked at the mention of his name.

"What, dobe?"

"Don't 'what, dobe' me." Naruto shifted uncomfortably. "Get your ass over here."

"Why should I?"

"If you don't I'll have to shove this," Naruto nodded his head downward, "up where the sun don't shine."

"I'd like to see you try."

"Asshole," mumbled Naruto.

Usually, anyone who called the blue-wearing ninja an asshole…or any other "hole", would have his or her head smashed to a bloody pulp. Judging by the fact that Naruto's face was not smashed in, and his eyes were not in a single file line, the Uchiha did not seem to hear the slight. Surely Naruto would receive a punishment if repeated what he said, but no one would be that stup…"Did you hear me, ASSHOLE?"

The gods stand corrected.

Sasuke glared. "Stupid, an asshole doesn't have ears; I wouldn't be able to hear you."

"So you admit you're an a-hole?" Naruto showed off his pearly-whites with a smug grin.

I win.

"Yeah, and proud of it."

_Damn._

Sasuke, satisfied with another point (the score, Sasuke: 365, Naruto: -10), he slowly started to get up onto his feet. Naruto noticed his last chance of salvation was leaving.

"I n-need…your…help." His face contorted in pain as he wrenched the words out.

"Help you with what?" Sasuke asked innocently. Well, as innocent as he could be with the haughty look on his face. A blush darkened Naruto's already flushed cheeks.

Naruto let out a desperate whimper and dipped his golden locks down towards the junction of his legs. Sasuke raked his eyes over the object causing the fair-haired boy so much anxiety. It was an unnecessary action, though; Sasuke had eyed it every night.

"Sasuke," Naruto groaned again.

I should help…or should I?

A malicious glint came to the dark eyes.

"Why should I help you?"

"I don't need to explain anything to you, Sasuke," Naruto snapped, abandoning his submissive, "nice" façade. The frustrated boy let out a yelp as the other suddenly put his hands on the velvety membrane between his thighs. Alabaster digits slowly drew abstract forms on it with maddeningly light touches.

"Sasuke, I'll kick your ass if you keep on teasing." The Uchiha received a blue death glare. He scooted behind his comrade.

"Beg for me," he breathed into the blonde's ear.

"I'm not going to b..." His reply was interrupted by his sharp gasp; fingers played with his nipples. "I won't," he protested meekly as his lolled back to rest on his comrade's shoulder. A searing hot mouth latched onto his neck. "A..ah, I won't…" Caresses glided down his shoulders to his chest, arms, and waist.

Suddenly, Naruto jumped up.

"I'm not taking anymore of this." His tanned hands were thrown up in exasperation. "I give up trying to pack away my sleeping bag." He kicked the troublesome pile of cloth he had been straddling for the last hour and stomped out of the tent.


End file.
